I'm trying something new today. Below is something I wrote in a notebook on 3/20/2022, outside an H&R block. I walked to a nearby store and got an erasable red pen and the notebook in question. Typos were left in. Digitized on 3/9/2025 and published today.
Bought this (erasable red pen) at Staples. The cashier was a cutie.
Supposedly this erases. (rosie note: a faded, mostly erased "Try." is written underneath in red ink). It...erases. Kind of. So you can re-write if needed.
I mostly got this to pass the time. I got to H&R Block an hour early...Woops!
Lately I have been thinking and dreaming of the past. for a few months now, i think. and of loneliness.
(The wind is very strong today!)
I've come to realize how lonely I am. Not alone, I like being alone. But I'm lonely. I feel isolated. I HAD to be, when I got covid. But even before 2019, I've felt very alone...
(writing with a glove sucks! but if i take it off, it's cold...a tropical flower's dilemma.) (2 people are approaching the store. One has cool purple hair. I couldn't see their face.) (I wonder how people see me & MY uncool hair?)
(Sometimes I feel like crying and I'm not sure why).
Or am I? I don't know. Lately I have been ruminating. On men, loneliness, my own passing youth. I'm already 25. How did that get past me?
I still feel 22 & scared. Only difference is now I have glasses. (It fits me.)
My sister told me something yesterday after looking at astrology (rosie note: i assume i meant my birth chart in this bit): "Until the age of 36, your attempts to go home" (& enjoy your time there) "will be frustrated".
Huh? LMAO But I think she's right, in a way. It feels too soon to go back. I just got here what, 9 months ago? Hasn't been a year. I don't want to go back yet. feels like it'll all be the same shit as always. & I don't want that.
Re-reading at 28 is kinda crazy. I couldn't have possible known where I'd be at this point back then, still in the same apartment I've lived since I left my island. I don't believe in astrology unlike my sister but I do think she might end up being right in the end, not because the stars fortold it but because the world is just such a crock of shit that travel overall is going to be a nightmare for a while. I don't think anyone in 2022 would have expected to live in a country where planes and helicopters routinely fall out of the sky. I think I'm good waiting for now.